Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Trust

We all do trust to a certain extent.

Every day I travel on public transportation. I wouldn't travel on a bus if I didn't trust the bus driver, the bus, the other drivers, the traffic lights etc. When I'm walking and the traffic lights indicate that I should walk, I wouldn't cross over if I didn't trust in the drivers to stop.

I believe that though we all trust, we don't have total trust because of the way we have been raised. As a child, you are conditioned to trust in your parents and loved ones but not in strangers. This conditioning develops into a belief where you end up trusting only in what you can see and what you know. As you don't trust "strangers" you're in a state of emergency where you're not quite at war, but you're not at peace either.

What if you've been brought up in a family where you've experienced abuse? If you can't trust the people you're meant to trust and you can't trust strangers, who can you trust? You are in a state of fight or flight meaning you are ever ready to attack or defend as and when the need arises.

You might be someone who believes in God. You also believe that the only one you can trust is the God you believe in. Can you trust in God and not your fellow man?

My belief is there is only one that is God, the One, Source, Love, Self, Universal Intelligence, or Spirit. All is the One in infinite manifestations. If I say I trust God but I don't trust in life or people, then I'm deluding myself. I am saying that the one indivisible God exists as some things and not as others. This delusion or dream makes me experience life either as being at war with myself and others, or in a state of emergency.

I've come to realise that trust is uncompromising. You either trust or you don't; there's no in between. Trusting in God is trusting in life. When I trust in God, I am a little baby who trusts in his parents. I trust that what my mother is feeding me is good. I may not like the taste but I trust all the same. I am a baby who puts anything I find in my mouth because I trust that my world is perfectly safe.

Trusting in life is knowing that all is well no matter how things appear. You know that life is your ally and not meant to harm or cause you pain and suffering, it is only your perception of life that causes you pain.

A while back in a piece called Coming Home, I wrote about a woman I met on my travels. She felt she didn't belong in the UK, even though she's been living here for over 40 years. She said she didn't feel at home in St Lucia either. A week later, I met her on another bus and we travelled together. She was on her way to church. When she got off I realised she was attending the same Catholic church my nephew and his mother attend. My nephew is an altar boy at that church. I made a mental note to tell her when I see her the next time, but I haven't seen her in the last two weeks.

While I was travelling on the bus last night, it was raining. I imagined myself walking home in dry weather. When I got off the bus it was still raining. Even though I had an umbrella I couldn't be bothered to open it. I figured I would wait for the local bus to take me the rest of the way. When my bus arrived I saw the same woman on the bus. I sat next to her and told her my nephew attends her church.

This shows that the rain was my ally after all. If it wasn't raining I would have walked the 10 minute journey home and not seen my friend on the bus. The interesting thing is when we got off the bus it stopped raining. I ended up walking home in dry weather, just as I had imagined.

I trust in life.

With love,
Enocia