Thursday, April 13, 2006


Three years ago I went on a two month retreat. It was intended for me to connect with the real me. I spent time meditating and contemplating truth and writing loads. At the time I experienced an inner sound which made me think I was going crazy until it was replaced by a profound silence. I was then inspired to go out and share my life experiences with others. I soon found outlets on the Internet to share my stories. Eventually I set up various blogs and the rest, as they say, is history.

After the two month retreat, I stayed with a friend for a few months. After that I still felt I still needed to be in retreat so I could learn to integrate the silence into my every day experiences. I even considered going to a Buddhist temple or somewhere similar. God had another plan. I didn't need to go on a retreat - I was to live in the world but no longer be of the world. In a funny way it would seem I've been on a three year retreat.

My life has completely changed. I still look the same and have the same sense of humour, but I am not the same because my world view has radically altered. So many things I had believed to be true are no longer the case. In other words, I have had a paradigm shift. I feel like I'm in a realm where people are communicating in a totally different way from the way I communicate. While I can understand them, they can't understand me. So I end up being an observer. I can move about in this world and interact with the people to a certain extent but I can't communicate where I'm coming from because it sounds as if I'm speaking nonsense.

This leads to friendships. On one level everyone is my friend, I simply haven't met everyone. Of the few people I've met I've formed different types of friendships depending on the individual. There are people I meet on my travels and see around who I consider to be my friends. We talk about stuff on a superficial level.

I have met friends of similar world views on the Internet. We communicate on a deeper level based on our shared values. There are other Internet friends that I play with and that's perfect. There is no pressure about meeting up or keeping in contact on the human level.

And then there are a few old friends I haven't seen in years who I still consider to be my friends. I find I can no longer have the kind of relationship I had with them in the past because my outlook is so different. I no longer feel the need to have telephone conversations with them or anyone because I am can't talk about where I'm coming from. I'm not saying my friends will not understand but I would feel guarded about speaking to them, which is not how I view an open and honest relationship. For example:

Friend: What have you been up to?
Enocia: I've been going about God's business.
Friend: What do you mean?

The best way to show where I'm coming from is to share some of my experiences on my blog which gives interested parties an idea of where I am coming from. If they feel they can connect that's great. If not, that's also OK; at least they know where I stand.

To my beloved friends who might be wondering what happened to the Enocia they used to know and love, on one level I'm still the same. On another level, as I'm exploring living as my real self where I completely trust in God, I no longer share the world's values so I'm not the same. I have needed this retreat to orientate myself to this way of being. If I've not got in contact it's probably because I'm not ready. Rest assured, I'll be back.

Always remember that though we may appear to be apart, separation is actually an illusion. We are always one in Spirit.

All my love,

ps: I find this article very interesting. It's a very rough guide to what I've been experiencing.